Understand The Difference Between Niceness and Actual Interest
Some behaviors never change as we get older; teasing the people we like is one of them. Just like guys, women will use teasing as a way to flirt. Teasing is, as I have said, a way of saying something mean while really saying “I like you”. It’s silly and playful and it’s intended in the spirit of fun. Wit and humor are incredibly attractive traits, and women appreciate a man who can banter with them.
Teasing is also a good way to gauge a guy’s social intuition. In many ways, teasing can be a shit test; too many nice guys will take teasing from a woman and become flustered, while guys who are socially uncalibrated will either miss the playful aspect and assume they’re actually being insulted or come back too strongly. Women aren’t attracted to men who will let her walk all over them, nor do they want men who can’t understand the difference between teasing and a genuine insult. A tease can also be a gentle way of letting the air out of someone who’s coming on too strong without rejecting them entirely; by pricking their ego a little, a woman can let a guy know he’s acting ridiculous and that if he doesn’t change his behavior, she’s going to find her attraction draining away.
As with guys, the key factor to flirty teasing as a sign that she likes you is the smile. Teasing is intended to be fun and endearing. If you can’t hear the smile in her voice when she makes fun of your shoes, she’s not indicating that she likes you, she’s telling you to step off.
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Sometimes guys, especially under-socialized guys, will mistake niceness for flirting . Women are taught to be polite and to show some polite interest in what others have to say; some guys will misread this as genuine interest. Some women are naturally flirty or have learned that a little flirtatiousness can win them some extra effort or attention from men. This can be especially true when involving women in retail or the service industry; women know that flirty behavior usually leads to larger tips from men, while men assume that the bartender/waitress/barista serving them their morning latte are actually interested in them romantically or sexually. As a result, the women get hit on and asked out repeatedly and the men wind up confused and frustrated.
Does She Flirt Professionally?
Certain careers in the service industry encourage flirting with the customers. Call it Flirting For Dollars. It entices men to keep coming back and encourages the stupider ones to think that they can buy her affections by throwing money her way. The odds that she’s fallen for you, after literally hundreds of others have failed to win her heart is spectacularly low. If she’s a stripper, a go-go dancer, a shot girl, a bartender, cocktail waitress or a waitress at certain types of restaurants (Hooters, Twin Peaks, etc) then your default assumption is no, she does not really like you. Enjoy the flirting for flirting’s sake and move on.
Is She Qualifying Herself?
Women will naturally ask you about yourself; it’s part of being polite. A woman who’s into you however, will volunteer more about herself. She will want you to know she’s a cool person as well. She’ll want you to understand how she stands out from other women you know or just why she’s special. She’ll go out of her way to brag about herself a little. If she doesn’t bring up her own life without prompting or isn’t trying to find commonalities (i.e. “You like Amanda Conner’s run on Power Girl too? That’s so cool!”), the odds are good she’s being nice.